Sirius & Lux

doggy style > I kind of
doggy style > maybe
doggy style > possibly
doggy style > fucked an angel and completely broke parva's trust in me
doggy style > and now I'm pretty sure they hate me and don't ever want to see me again

grandparent >
grandparent >
grandparent > i
grandparent > Sirius
grandparent > i don't know what to say
grandparent > i'm
grandparent > here i guess
grandparent > but that's a really bare bones account of what happened so i can't form a useful opinion

doggy style > there's not really much to say other than that i fucked up and i'm a horrible person
doggy style > and i don't deserve to have parva and probably never did
doggy style > they probably hate me and they have every right to
doggy style > i've mostly been getting my sad out for the last several days
doggy style > sorry i betrayed you and mj
doggy style > i know it seemed like i was getting better but i guess i just
doggy style > wasn't.
doggy style > i don't know if i'll EVER be better or if there was even a 'better' in the first place

grandparent > Sirius!
grandparent > there's a big difference between making a mistake and being a horrible person
grandparent > you messed up
grandparent > if you did so knowingly, then yes, you deserve comeuppance!
grandparent > but that doesn't mean you're horrible all around
grandparent > it just means you know where you fail
grandparent > and you didn't betray Mary-Jane and i
grandparent > we want you to be better, but there are missteps and we understand that
grandparent > so!
grandparent > keep your chin up!
grandparent > there's a 'better' for you out there!
grandparent > it just might not be with Parvaneh any more

doggy style > i dunno lux
doggy style > this is a pretty big fucking misstep
doggy style > and honestly
doggy style > i don't really want a better without parva
doggy style > i spent so long looking for them
doggy style > they spent so long in misery because of me
doggy style > and this is how i repay them
doggy style > i
doggy style > i want to do something to make up for it somehow
doggy style > but they said i couldn't do that
doggy style > so i just
doggy style > don't know what to do.

grandparent > Sirius
grandparent >
grandparent >
grandparent > you understand how that sounds
grandparent > unhealthy
grandparent > i know you love them
grandparent > i do
grandparent > but
grandparent > you just phrased being with them in terms of the pain you've both been through
grandparent > that's
grandparent > that's really dangerous
grandparent > Sirius, you have to think about yourself
grandparent > what's best for you

doggy style > i know
doggy style > i know it's unhealthy to think that way
doggy style > i just
doggy style > i want to be with them more than anything else in the world
doggy style > and nothing that happens is going to change how i feel about that
doggy style > but the me i am now, i don't deserve to be with them or even be near them
doggy style > hell i don't deserve to be near ANYBODY
doggy style > whats probably best for everyone is if i leave and never come back
doggy style > but that's just what i do
doggy style > i run away
doggy style > i run and i never actually try to fix the problems i cause
doggy style > and i just
doggy style > i want to fix this.
doggy style > i really, really want to fix this.
doggy style > and more importantly i want to fix me.
doggy style > because me is broken and me HAS BEEN broken for a very, very long time
doggy style > i just don't know where to start

grandparent > i want you to get better too, Sirius
grandparent > but you have to do it for you
grandparent > not Parvaneh
grandparent > if you getting better means that you can have a healthy relationship with Parvaneh, that's good
grandparent > but it shouldn't be the goal
grandparent > goal should be to feel better yourself!
grandparent > i think you should focus trying to get that first

grandparent > Sirius!
grandparent > i just had to rewatch it
grandparent > but here's a quote for you
grandparent > from someone who's really knowledgeable about this kind of thing
grandparent > "We are simultaneously all our own knight, princess, and dragon, and all of these roles are as equally important as the other. Sure, you gotta do something about that dragon and princess, but you also wouldn't be a story without them."
grandparent > which means that your first priority should be sorting out your own story
grandparent > defeating the dragon and saving the princess!
grandparent > and they're all you!

doggy style > I know
doggy style > and I know you mean well
doggy style > but I don't think I'm in the mood for taking advice quite yet
doggy style > I just want to wallow in my pain and feel like shit for a while
doggy style > get my feelings out you know
doggy style >
doggy style > did you quote that from one of kemal's lectures

grandparent > right
grandparent > sorry
grandparent > i didn't mean to overstep
grandparent >
grandparent > yes
grandparent > as much as i promised i'd get to know the new Kemal
grandparent > who he once was really made an impact on me
grandparent > and i want to share that

doggy style > it's fine you're only tryin to help and I can appreciate that
doggy style > yeah I figured
doggy style > I don't really get what the hype is about the guy
doggy style > never been able to get behind people lecturing you on what you're doing wrong with your life

grandparent > it's not like that!
grandparent > he never said that you were doing wrong in your life
grandparent > his talks just taught you how to look at your life and see the good points!
grandparent > like
grandparent > how to value what you have and make it better