Cruz & Sirius

doggy style > what
doggy style > what arrangement
doggy style > are you referring to the friends w benefits thing bc I was thinking of dropping that anyway since that wasn't actually my problem

que > glad to know that's such an easy decision for you

doggy style > ok what did I say this time
doggy style > I can tell you're pissed at me

que > I was already upset
que > but if you want to know specifics about what you said
que > your reaction seems emblematic of how little you care about me and my place in your life

doggy style > Cruz I'm gonna level with you
doggy style > when I met you I was going through a period of my life where people blurred together from one face to the next
doggy style > I was not in a good place
doggy style > I was focused on hurting myself as much and as horribly as possible
doggy style > so as long as I've known you I don't KNOW you that well
doggy style > I'm happy to get to know you better but half the time you seem to be displeased with the general way I exist and do my job and it's one of the reasons I'm taking a break
doggy style > because you were right I'm affecting the team negatively
doggy style > and I'm trying not to do that
doggy style > basically what I'm saying is I don't know how you see me but I never saw myself as particularly close to you
doggy style > I'm totally cool with deepening our friendship but I don't think it's a good idea to build it off the fact that we fucked a few times because as stated before I was basically trying to commit mental suicide at the time

que > do you think I'm counting when we meant before?
que > I was used to people not caring about me back then
que > our interactions then were expected
que > but we've been in this job together for weeks
que > and we've talked together in private quite a few times
que > I know all too well about your problems, your family, your connection to the person you love
que > and yet I feel as if you haven't even made the effort to know me back
que > and if I'm honest
que > I'm pissed at myself for putting myself out there without being cared for in return
que > especially when the things I have offered to help apparently didn't mean anything to you

doggy style >
doggy style >
doggy style > oh
doggy style > I
doggy style > didn't realize you felt that way
doggy style >
doggy style > jeez I'm sorry cruz
doggy style > I didn't realize I was being such a dick
doggy style > I don't mean to belittle what you offer me because I really did appreciate it in the moment but I think in the end I realized it wasn't quite what I needed
doggy style > I'm sorry I'll make more of an effort to focus on you in the future
doggy style > I do appreciate you as a person
doggy style > I guess I've just been too wrapped up in my own problems to make sure you know that

que > I guess I appreciate the measured response
que > but know I can't take just your words right now
que > get yourself together and act better when you return
que > and don't just consider me
que > please consider others as well
que > I just happen to be the one willing to air this, it doesn't mean I'm the only one with a problem

doggy style > yeah I know
doggy style > you're not the only reason I left, just one reason
doggy style > I want to do better by the whole team and that includes you

que > ok
que > fine
que > I'm still riled but
que > there's nothing to say if you're agreeing
que >
que >
que > urgh

doggy style > were you expecting me to disagree and stir up a huge fuss

que > not expecting
que > no
que > it just feels anticlimactic
que > I'm still heated, but there's nothing more I can say
que > and I can't know for sure if it meant anything until you come back to work
que > it feels like I'm in stasis

doggy style > oh
doggy style >
doggy style > I could say something controversial so you have an excuse to be heated
doggy style > like uh
doggy style >
doggy style > billionaires are good ?